i am a dead fish

i am a dead fish.
i lost my medium of living in which my freedom and live it contains.
things as i have realised, are not getting better or anywhere as i wished to be.
there is hardly any body or event that could bring up my interest or motivate me to continued pursuing my goals in life.
talking about goals in life, they are really unrealistic.
when i was performing guard duty in dawn, i was asked to stationed along a curved road in front of the camp gate. so i stood like a straw man watching each passing vehicle. suddenly a thought stroke my mind: how could i achieve my goals when i do not even drive a car or ride a motor. i don't have any license, that include license to success, to realising my great ambitions. frankly, i strongly felt myself useless and helpless sometimes. i am like stuck in a stagnant situation!

nevertheless, i still miss somebody deeply when i was performing duty last night. holding a rifle while patrolling the campsite, i savoured the peacefulness of the darkness and smell the freshness of the humid wind of the night. touring around the designated route, my mind has gone astray, the image of my someone kept occupying my senses.

sometimes words just could not describe what i wanted to express